Mother's Day and the All you Can Eat Buffet

Mothers-I will just apologize to all of you for all of us with a 'Y' in our genetic make up. Your little boy, well, sometimes doesn't think with his head; at least not very well, when it comes to this day.

Look sons, don't, whatever you do, take your mother to an 'all you can eat' anything today. Don't even pretend she'd like it. She won't.

Guys, there are definite rules to this day. Ask your sisters.

Daughters are in tune with this. They have the gene pool, even if they don't have kids, they know what is right and wrong. Ask them and stand by to break that crusted over thing you call a wallet in your back pocket.

But, being a mom, more so as a grand mother or great grandmother, they will smile and say 'that would be fine dear, an all you can eat Sudanese buffet would be just fine.' NO, IT'S NOT!

Look at your mother. Go ahead, I'll wait........................................................................................................................................................Does she look like someone who could put away a $9.99 all you can eat Chinese buffet? She's 4'11" and weighs 90 pounds! She began shrinking twenty years ago and eats almost as much as a large pigeon does in a city park-two large table spoons of whatever and then she pushes away and wants a nice cup of coffee-black please.

OR, you take your mother, who really IS the size of a small freight car for the Southern Pacific. That's what she wants, to be reminded that her presences in this restaurant will panic the owner into starting a fire just to get everyone to evacuate the place and try to save some of his stock.

I went by the new Great China Super Buffet at the corner of 15th Avenue and Bethany Home the other day. It use to be a Country Home Buffet. It had flags and banners announcing its grand opening. It has 'islands,' not just one line, but individual islands packed full of whatever you wanted-in deep bins. The shear size was enough to give that skinny Japanese guy who always wins at hot dog eating the Willy's. You take your mom there, two things are going to happen, you will not get your money's worth out of her and you, yourself, will start to feel self-conscious about the fact that your plate can't be seen under the layers of sweet and sour crap. The other thing is your mother will get a salad. That's all, oh, maybe some cottage cheese and those little hominy pellets but nothing more. Now, you look at her, then back to your plate, then you realize this was a bad idea. Too late. The only buffet that she might even feel good at is one of those that has linen table cloths and a French guy offering some sparkling wine. Your mom hasn't had a drink since your Uncle Phil backed the truck over her legs when she lay passed out from the 4th of July 'party' at a Woodstock reunion festival.

Look guys, the flowers and candy are nice. Even though you'll probably have the first one out of the box. But spend time with your mom today. That's really all she wants, some time with her little boy and girl. If your sister suggests something, listen to them. They know stuff. Go over and fix the dripping faucet or better, pay someone to fix it so she has someone else to blame when it starts up again.

Tell her you love her without her saying if first. That's the most important thing. Some day, if it goes right, she will leave you first. Mother's Day will come around and you won't have that woman around to pester you, wipe your mouth, comment on the wrinkle in your shirt or eat a salad at an all you can eat (totally appropriate place to take her on just about any other day of the year). She will be gone. Then its just you and those memories. Make them good ones.

Happy Mother's Day mom. You were a good one!!