This last Saturday was a great day at Costco! Now, many of us need to just come clean, especially the men. There are few reasons we go to either Costco or its bastard brother, Sam's Club. Very few of those reasons have anything to do with saving money. Sure, they got some deals if you are able to break it down by unit. But when you have to buy 1500 units of anything, the upfront price is a little, well, pricey. Nope, we go to Costco for a limited number of things-the free food and big screen TVs.
Sometimes, in a man's Costco quest for the best day for the free stuff, he hits the jackpot. It's like fishing and you find that hidden inlet in a lake that, for some reason that day, all the fish in the lake are at. You throw your hook in and WHAM! Fish on! Saturday, yesterday, May 30th, was such a day.
You enter pushing a cart. Professionals at this all have carts. You can spot rookies who are in a warehouse shopping store with nothing to carry all their 'groceries' in. Yep, the big screens were there and on and as you entered you were awash in three foot high faces from shows and movies in such vivid colors that just don't exist in the real world. You proceed past them, the nuts, videos, you slow your pace down as you see some slacks for less than $10 but you keep moving. There is the $500 grill they sent you a flyer on that does everything except buy the food and rub your feet after a night of grilling. The big shed made out of that heavy plastic would look great at your house; you just have no place to put it. Then the patio furniture but there, next to the cheese and the $9 wine, is a tent. Not just any tent, but a tent by a sausage company! The fish have come to you.
You walk by slowly, not wanting to seem too anxious. The three sales reps, schlepping a sausage you've never heard of, were actually grilling them on two George Forman's and placing the hot links, carved and in their own little paper doilies just for you. Six different sausages. Who cares what they were, the justification to try all six was clear. You didn't care about the name because there was no intent in buying any when you can have at least six bites for free. Then, as if the gods were with you, the three reps all turned their backs at once, focusing on the grills. The crowd moved on in one mass, leaving three of the sausage platters open for one massive, first round score. You sweep in as if you were a Delta Force operator and scored three doilies and moved on without breaking your stride. None of the three men even saw you. This was such a critical event in time because now you could come back as a regular shopper, casually strolling and take on the other three as if you were a true comparison shopper. Then, as you tasted each as if it was a fine Chablis, they would offer the other three again. You don't want to disappoint them so you wolf down all of them.
Now your thirsty, you need to cleanse your pallet so you mosey to the other side and hit the power drinks and those that are good for your joints. They are next to the pasta and pot sticker samples. You walk past the 'vegetable medley' being offered by the woman in the hair net. She's not too happy because she knows she got the lame sample station and it will be a long day for her. You hit the free chicken patties and then the pot stickers. Then its time for dessert and you find yourself heading back to the bread side, next to Valhalla and the sausage. Free cheesecake today.
You top off your luncheon buffet with chips and salsa then head for the door. Oh, wait, the coke and thirty-six rolls of toilet paper. That's right, you actually came for something.
No comments:
Post a Comment