We need to really sit down and decide what we want to see with regards to the upcoming election for our next tribal chief of this here United States. The next few months, the folks here and around the world are going to be buried with debates and news accounts of what those running for the top office want us to believe about them and why they should get the nod and the keys to the little black briefcase with all the codes.
None of that is important.
Look, we need to focus on the real meat and potatoes of the job and what we really want to see from the supreme leader. If you think about it, they will tell us what we want to hear then carry on with whatever they want to do. Sure, it might effect the world economy, jobs, national security, none of that is the crux of the matter. Below, are some of what I think are the real important aspects of our presidency that we have not seen in recent memory. We need a president who models a life like ours. Here are the character traits and modeling of the man or woman who I want in the White House. Go on, tell me I'm wrong.
I want a president who will eat off a paper plate. Not one of those Chinet paper plates that are reinforced and are so strong you can have soup on them and they won't break. I'm talking about one of those real flimsy ones that you can buy seven thousand of for a buck-those kind. And he or she is eating a chili dog, a really big, nasty, chili dog. As a matter of fact, they eat a lot of chili dogs. They really like chili dogs.
I want a president who will wear some other color than white for a dress shirt. Come on, mix it up. If its a woman president, step away from the business suit. You're not a man, you're a woman! Its okay to be a woman and look like a woman with your finger on the red button. Both need to be shopping at Target, maybe even something from those big tables at Costco.
I want the next president to have a barbecue grill on the grounds some where. Nothing fancy, there is just you and your spouse and maybe a kid or two. You don't need some big built in. Something on wheels like a Thermos or a nice Char-Broil, couple of burners and maybe that side burner for your beans. You wouldn't even have to chain it to a tree. If you have the family over, you set up a folding table with some folding chairs and eat outside if the weather is nice. And that Marine standing guard at the door, make sure he has something to eat too-oh, don't forget the guys on the roof.
While the grill is heating up, I want to see the president flip a Frisbee or a ball for his dog. Take her out on the south lawn and really let loose. But I don't want to see them using those ball throwers either. You've seen them; they're like a sling you put the ball in and fling it. That way, you don't get dog slobber on your hands-GET DOG SLOBBER ON YOUR HANDS! And I don't want to see any rare breed of dog, something no one in America would have or afford. I want them to go to the pound and pick one out. Get one with some meat and character to it. Maybe one with a half missing ear, or bull-legged. Then give it a real name, like Mitch or Buckethead if its a boy or Margret if its a girl. We, the people, don't need you naming your dog to make us feel good. We know all about political correctness and naming your dogs Liberty or Freedom. Those are dorky dog names. Don't do that.
I want to see the president, sitting in the oval office, sitting at the desk that so many presidents have sat at, with a cup of coffee. Have you ever noticed every time we see the president sitting there, there is nothing on the desk? Come on, a nice Sumatran black in a mug. This is where dorkiness is cool. Have the mug with your kid or grand kid's picture on it, like the ones you get at the fair. How about working through lunch, sitting right there at your desk, signing some bills, having your chili dog on a paper plate and a soda. Sure, you're eating on an antique. So, use a coaster.
I want to see a president that will drive himself somewhere. Put the Secret Service in the back and you take the wheel. I am sure we couldn't get away with not driving the big limo, but maybe sometime, take the '98 Buick Electra out for that meeting with the Jamaican Prime Minister. That would be cool-tossing the keys to the valet and telling him you'll only be a minute.
I want a president who will be the first one to respond to a national catastrophe, Like the hurricane in New Orleans or flooding in Vermont. We don't need some big Show and Tell thing where the governor is walking the president around showing what everone is doing. Everyone knows what is going on. We can see it on TV. I don't even want the governor to know the president is there. I just want the president to show up in boots and jeans, a t-shirt and a John Deere ball cap and start filling sandbags. Someone looks over at him and says "Damn, anyone ever tell you you look like that guy, what's his name?"
They smile and say "Nope, no one ever did." And they just keep filling bags. And you do it for hours, not for some photo op. You are there filling a need-and sand bags.
I want a president who isn't afraid to say out loud what they are thinking inside. Like when that Iranian nut job talks at the U.N.; wouldn't it be great if the president followed him and merely said while he points at the Iranian guy, "That guy right there is bat-shit crazy!" And then they sit down.
I would like to see a president stop his motorcade (if he's driving the Electra he can just pull over) at an ATM and use one-and only get like $20. That's all he really needs for the day. Its not like he's buying lunch for anyone other than himself. OH-WAIT- what if he goes through a drive through and pulls up, orders, then asks his driver, "Hey Pete, what do you want, come on, I'm buying." That would be cool.
While he's throwing the ball for the dog, the president is drinking their favorite beverage and using one of those cozies, you know, those foam things to keep your drink cool. It's old and beat up and from some trucking firm in the Midwest.
Maybe on a nice night, we see the President sitting on the second story balcony, in a lawn chair, with their feet up on the rail. We never see anyone on that second story balcony.
Yep, I would vote for a president who was like this. They are regular people. Like my neighbor only in a nicer and bigger house. The other stuff will take care of itself. At least we would know the guy or gal driving the wagon is one of us; flawed, tempered, human. They aren't some figment of someones imagination. They are just like us, trying to make life a little better for the rest of us. That's all.
Just a little better.
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