Father's Day

I think its okay for dads to be 'tough'.

Now, don't go lighting torches and start complaining about your dads being over the top, or your neighbor's dad, or the guy on TV arrested... 'look at what he did'.... I hear ya. Track with me here for a few minutes and see what you think.

Today, probably more than any other time in the history of the world, dads are taking on multiple roles at work and at home. My dad went to work, cut the lawn, and burned steaks on the grill. I mean burned them. It wasn't worth eating unless there was a decent amount of carbon on it. Oh, and he cooked Sunday breakfast, but that was it. He was a good dad. We all lived happily ever after, the three kids and mom and dad-a complete family of fun and frolic.

Except for....

I look at a lot of our 'young' parents now and I got to say I am really proud of both father and mother. Yes, I know about the 50% divorce rate, delinquent dads, and crack babies, etc. In a prior life, I was in law enforcement and now I'm in education. Failure of the parent in their role is dripping from the rafters. However, there are parents, a lot of parents, doing it right. What makes it right? 

They love their kids.

To raise a child in this world, the optimum number of adults to do so is not two-its a village. But two is a good start. I know, from the stats above, 50% of all marriages end in divorce and almost all the kids wind up with the mum. Many are successfully raised by single parents. Many of those dads think they got a free ride and move on. But, we also have to admit, many of those dads stick around and help with their share of the responsibility, making sure that child has a fighting chance as an adult. Being a parent is the hardest thing to do on the planet. Being a single parent is, well, just ask a single parent.

Dads, today is a day we celebrate the title knighted to you for being in the game, staying, fighting for every inch of ground for your kid. But understand something dads, just because you get your kid to eighteen, it doesn't mean your done; just because you get your kid 'married off', it doesn't mean you're done; just because you had your first grandchild; it doesn't mean you're done. Here is the simple truth, dads or those who want to become dads-you are NEVER done. 

A real dad has signed up for a permanent position in history. There is such a thing as a 'perfect father'; there is one and only one. You will never be perfect, but there is a model you can follow. A real dad is a messed up, frail, vulnerable guy who wears bad socks. But, he knows and owns his screw ups, apologizes, and loves what he has created. A kid needs to see their dad owning their screw ups and trying hard to not do them again. 

Kids are funny. They want their pops to be their hero and are willing to look way passed a boat-load of years of screw ups. If a dad wants to, he can still make that team of fathers known as 'dads', even after years of pain. If a kid sees their dad owning their issues, that gives the child the freedom to own theirs when they get older as well. Why should a child want to be different from the models in front of them? "Hey, my dad was drunk and slept around, why shouldn't I?" And the answer of "Because I said so, that's why" just doesn't cut the butter.

I got to tell you, its easy being a father and going off to war, going off to work, going off to hunt, going off to where ever. Anyone can 'go'. Not to be crass, but it takes balls to stay in the fight. Sure, we have to work, but what are we fighting for? The lives of the children we made, that's what. "Well, I gotta go to work, earn a living, put bread on the table." Hey, here's some news, we eat too much bread! Any man can fly a jet off the front of a carrier or work the swing shift, or dig a post hole, or be a brain surgeon. Any man can do that. There is glory in that, prestige, notoriety. Life-war is just that, war. It can be ugly and sad, depressing, lonely, all of the emotions associated with war. Dads, true dads, are fighting that battle. They love their children, modeled after the one Dad that got it right, it is said that love is perfect and also sacrificial. Dads love sacrificially. Yep, you are going to get it wrong a lot of the time, but when you get it right, oh baby-it is sweet!

So, today, we raise our glasses and toast to the dads, the tough ones, the ones with scars and wounds, bad knees, cheap glasses, and baby poo under their nails. They are here in this Room of Life. They are the ones with the sloped shoulders and the crows feet around their eyes. The hair in their ears, long since surrendered to 'I don't care if it's there' attitude. These are men of men. They have stayed in the trenches and fought like Trojan warriors for their kids and family, some even flew off the front of carriers. They clean the floors, change the diapers, mow the lawns, do the shopping, fix the squeaky hinge, love their wives, and fall asleep reading 'Good Night Moon' to their kids, all before they go to that second job to earn enough money to pay the power bill. These men are anchored with a servant's hearts. They stand at the fence of the little league game and watch the swing, making sure its level, hold the extra hair ribbons in their pockets for the small ballerinas, or carry the fear and quiet panic alone, shared with them by their child, now a man them self, who share the daily threat of battle  and death with their dad, so as to be unburdened and able to again function in that nightmare world of such things that go bump in the night. 

There is no greater job on this planet, no greater burden to carry, no greater honor to have than to be a Dad-father. If you do not have such a man in your life, find one you admire and tell them so. Ask them, today--make this decision today--to ask that man to be your father on Father's Day. I will tell you what he will say-"I would be honored to be your father today." You see, dads are never done being dads. Until the day they die, they have sworn an oath to the model of Dad-dom. They are centurions, knights of an order many thought was long since passed. But they stand and look up and down the line of battle, their crows-feet shrouded eyes wink and give a slight nod to other dads, standing in the same trench. Their silver hair and sloped shoulders, long since worn in battle, still willing to carry the load of hearts yet to find the love of a dad. Until their last breath they live by a motto most don't know, some have only heard in passing, many don't believe in, but these dads do. These few, these men, with their last breath will be a dad to you. With their last breath they will breath the words instilled in their hearts by their Father, words that have gotten them up every morning, and gently pushed them forward, stepping them into the fray.

"Send me, Lord."

Happy Fathers' Day